a chain of events took place over the past one week, both joyous and sadly unforeseen, to a point it almost got me breathless.

my second paternal grandma passed away just last wednesday hence i was involved in her funeral till saturday. as a result, i had to give cpt francis' wedding a miss as well as a gathering with my friends. well. though i wasn't close to this grandmother of mine, three days of commitment is the very least i can give as a grandson. seems like this year wasn't a good one when it comes to health and longevity. my first paternal grandma passed away merely few months ago. however the deaths of both my grandparents weren't entirely events of pain and tears. it brought my father's siblings together and happened to be the catalyst to heal the crumbling kinship. we even had a family gathering at my aunt's place during christmas. seems like curtain call to the feud which plagued my paternal family for the past decade draws near.

my friends came over during my birthday and on christmas eve for gathering & enjoyment purposes. guess the goal was achieved - dota, mahjong & naruto got us busily entertained. i am really grateful to my parents - they are very supportive and professional when it comes to playing host to my friends. i hope my friends felt the sincerity of my family.

equipped with an intangible library of twenty years experience, i've moved on

woah. time flies. just realised how detached i was from my blog. was busy back then. but these few weeks are meant for clearing leave. guess us instructors deserve this period of rest after putting in and going through so much. currently planning a fruitful schedule. dont wish to waste this short break.

went to suntec earlier for some shopping with my family. at the same time collect our family photos. and here's the best shot. felt it was near perfection.

for an unaccounted bayonet i had to sign 7 extras. 6 of them were cleared consecutively last wk. and it was tiring. since the duty personnel is the point of contact for all sorts of issues & problems within the unit. but it wasn't as bad as it seems. was a chance to know more pple in the unit esp those on guard duty. and i'm grateful to weapon specs andrew & desmond who bought egg tarts for me, of their own accord. in addition a little help here & there aided me through the course of my duty marathon. so it seems. no one stands alone. indeed. no one can.

the cadets commissioned ytd. 6 months ago i was in their position. times flies. sure it did. 20 yrs seemed to have passed unknowingly. guess it's time to think through what i want in life before i waste another 20 yrs. waiting for the time of my life..

it's been a while.

had a fa cohesion day earlier at sentosa. the section games were fun. though it may look weird from a spectator's perspective - a big bunch of guys indulging in a series of mini games. after which was a movie at vivo - hancock. wasn't really nice i guess. neither the plot nor the graphics' amazing. nevertheless was a day well-spent.

gonna be a busy week - duty, packed schedules, troubles here & there etc. gotta brace myself for the challenges ahead..

being the pso of 280sa was no doubt an incredible exp. had a clearer overview of how an arty battalion operates. glad to have learnt much from this trip.

it's amazing to see how proficient reservice personnel are despite the comparatively little amt of training before the ex. the teamwork & camaraderie displayed during FATEP was commendable. everyone played their part to achieve a common goal. guess national service does wonders at times.

not forgetting the company of friends from 23sa esp the hardworking fdo kengsiong, the master-of-kaobei 'a' gpo rongteng, the seemingly perverted 'b' gpo binglun & the cute 'c' gpo zixiang. going thru the same routine everyday, time would be hard to pass without them around.

now waiting to see where will the pso for the upcoming 23sa FATEP come from. if opportunity arises, guess i'll volunteer to go. a trip to india is better than a treat of never-ending arrows in office. i'm starting to question myself if i'm doing abit too much for AI since my office hours are supposed to end at 1730 (it only happens once in a while). what do i get in the end for contributing so much? - more merciless arrows!!

i hate myself. i hate myself for crying. it seems to be an act of weakness. considering the stories i heard about her, i told myself i shall not shed a single tear when she dies. i never had any fond memories of her. yet my emotions got the better of me knowing she may not live till the day i return from crescendo. guess she had suffered enough for the past few years- the loneliness, her degenerating health etc. and i choose not to see her even for the very last time, wanting to keep my impression of her to the best it can be. even if i visit her, her failing senses will not recognise my presence. i'm worrying for my dad. it's her mum i'm talking about. i hope he can take it though it's much easier said than done.

the selfish side of me had always hope i'll be the first to leave this world, for i doubt i can handle the passing of any close ones..

What was natural and right? Who really knew? The world was never so simple that one person could have all the answers. He had fought this for so long. What would it be like to stop fighting? To accept what he was.

The Novice

at times thinking too much ends up getting no where. and at the end of the day still got to acknowledge that it's a complicated world we are in. is the norm always right? does being unacceptably different wrong? spectrum of subjective perspectives inevitably make it impossible to handle these questions. accept it. accept yourself.

went thru a meaningful coaching course these few days. had some new insights and will like to take this opportunity to share one i find significant.

realised i have weakness in self-management. i see the flaws in others but was blind to mine. hence i need to identify them & work towards improvement by adopting a positive attitude to correct them. in hope to benefit myself as well as those around me.

if we try to listen, we find it extraordinary difficult, because we are always projecting out opinions and ideas, our prejudices, our background.. when they dominate, we hardly listen at all to what is being said.. one listens and therefore learns, only in a state of attention, a state of silence, in which this whole background is in abeyance.. real communication can only take place where there is 'silence'.

krishnamurti

finally. another wk has ended. but it's a meaningful one as i've learnt & gained much by opening up during moi & le nova course. hopefully i'll b able to apply what i've learnt on a daily basis and improve myself as time goes by.

had a gathering organised by my superiors for gunnery instructors yesterday after work. guess it's to welcome the new instructors. major loy treated pizza while cpt francis treated us to pub. didnt expect things to turn out so fun. many thanks..

48th faocc comms ball was held at 1 deg 15 ytd. had an enjoyable evening though grand dinners like this arent really my kind of thing. magician & dancers spiced up the event. many thanks to the committee for all the planning & efforts. happy occasion it may be. but i believe it's the last time all 48th faocc gunners can gather tgt. so take care everyone. & thanks for making this course a meaningful one. thinking back cadet days were actually the best.

the day ended with a gathering of my clique. in which 终极密码 was the highlight...

finally. cadet no more.

the journey to this very day wasnt an easy one. many a times giving up seems the easiest way out. but guess i've done myself proud by overcoming the temptation. at least most of the time. at the same time many memories were chained along. memories i'll remember for life. & not forgetting. the friends i've made. being the most valuable takeaway from this course.

today marks the start of a new chapter. i'll have to get out of the comfort zone. to lead & teach as an instructor in arty institute. & this got me pondering on the kind of instructor i wanna b. few have questioned if i'll tekan cadets. the ideal case is no. but i cant guarantee. stress makes my brain go haywire. nevertheless. i'll do what i deem best.

hmm.. had a gathering with my sec sch gang earlier on.. basically it's dinner at sakae and some arcade games.. but not forgetting some photos to remember this meetup.. guess our playground knows no boundaries...

ex battleking

yay!! finally.. our summary exercise is over.. lots happened in these 16 days.. but guess i'll skip the details.. since pictures speak a thousand words..

hmm.. will like to say that it was a fruitful livefiring exercise - had the chance to experience the operation of an arty battalion.. and not forgetting.. the fact that friends made this overseas exercise a meaningful one...