being the pso of 280sa was no doubt an incredible exp. had a clearer overview of how an arty battalion operates. glad to have learnt much from this trip.

it's amazing to see how proficient reservice personnel are despite the comparatively little amt of training before the ex. the teamwork & camaraderie displayed during FATEP was commendable. everyone played their part to achieve a common goal. guess national service does wonders at times.

not forgetting the company of friends from 23sa esp the hardworking fdo kengsiong, the master-of-kaobei 'a' gpo rongteng, the seemingly perverted 'b' gpo binglun & the cute 'c' gpo zixiang. going thru the same routine everyday, time would be hard to pass without them around.

now waiting to see where will the pso for the upcoming 23sa FATEP come from. if opportunity arises, guess i'll volunteer to go. a trip to india is better than a treat of never-ending arrows in office. i'm starting to question myself if i'm doing abit too much for AI since my office hours are supposed to end at 1730 (it only happens once in a while). what do i get in the end for contributing so much? - more merciless arrows!!

i hate myself. i hate myself for crying. it seems to be an act of weakness. considering the stories i heard about her, i told myself i shall not shed a single tear when she dies. i never had any fond memories of her. yet my emotions got the better of me knowing she may not live till the day i return from crescendo. guess she had suffered enough for the past few years- the loneliness, her degenerating health etc. and i choose not to see her even for the very last time, wanting to keep my impression of her to the best it can be. even if i visit her, her failing senses will not recognise my presence. i'm worrying for my dad. it's her mum i'm talking about. i hope he can take it though it's much easier said than done.

the selfish side of me had always hope i'll be the first to leave this world, for i doubt i can handle the passing of any close ones..