hmm.. had a gathering at my hse today.. guess the highlight was shufen's bdae celebration.. we started off with a formal pic..


and suggestion for an informal one came up..


which ended up with..

~

haha.. stunning rite.. but dat's wat fun is all abt!! juz let ur hair down!!

and the day ended with a xray syndicate 2 meetup...

hmm.. a day i doubt i will forget.. and here's a summary of wat happened earlier on:

while having our standby-bed before bk out..

all, "fall in now"

upon falling in..

major loy, "all of u knock it down" (then he started talking abt now being the end of common phase and we still dont know the need to kiwi our boots after outfield exercises..)

major loy, "recover.. those taking soc tmr fall out one side" (no one has a good feeling abt this.. thinking back the change parade we had back in brunei..)

major loy, "knock it down!" (once again.. down on 4 limbs..)

major loy, "i have a list of names here.. some pple & instructors complain abt them"

after which 7 cadets were called out including me.. and one by one we were questioned abt wat we did to deserve complaints.. maybe it's attitude problem.. maybe it's falling aslp during lessons.. none had any idea..

major loy, "the rest recover" (with lightning speed the rest fall in..)

major loy, "while we wait for instructors to come & clarify.. do anyone of u (the rest of the cadets) know wat these pple did?"

few guesses came up.. but none was right.. until..

cadet (whom i forget who he was), "because they did not tell the course their birthday"

and dat solved the mystery.. then there came a bdae cake & a bdae song for the dec babies..

hmm.. somethg memorable i guess.. having army friends celebrating ur bdae.. a surprise at a time least expected...

transition from dragons to dolls

an interest i'm trying to explore

though at times they may seem gore

what to do they're living dead dolls

on a journey to hunt for them

impulse collection is my intent

Abigail Crane and Mr. Graves

CHIPBOARD POEM

A shovel is used

To fulfill his greed.

But when he reaches her grave,

It's her time to feed.

~

DEATH CERTIFICATE

Full of greed he used to exhume,

In search of jewels he entered tombs.

He disturbed her grave one dreary night,

And she stole his life bite by bite.

~

http://www.livingdeaddolls.com/

hmm.. didnt get to bk out on tues.. supposedly to clear leave till thur but got none left.. mohawk-bravo combi slashed my leave away sia..

ehh.. but it wasnt dat bad after all.. the two days were like chalet.. everythg otot.. nasi lemak & kfc takeaway for dinner/ mc & pizza delivery for supper.. up ah up!! plus the fact dat our bunk's conducive to studying for ytd's gunnery test.. guess it's a blessing in disguise..

let's see.. time flies sia.. 3 wks to getting beret.. 2 mths to battleking.. 4 mths to commissioning.. alr more than halfway thru.. yay!!!

yay.. this wk's gonna b the best one since i entered ocs.. 3-day wk sia.. hard to come across.. gonna treasure this long wkend..

hmm.. had happy hr ytd.. and it's really happy hr.. compared to the one we had back in safti mi.. here in arty can play pool drink beer do ur own stuff make lots of noise etc.. and the highlight was watching 'shutter'.. the frightening atmosphere wasnt present.. but 自己吓自己 was wat made the movie damn fun to watch.. a memorable nite at 'the barrel'..

ehh.. juz got to know dat my tutees did well for their exams.. one got transferred from na to express.. not my effort though.. coz i'm a slacker.. but cant help feeling dat little sense of achievement.. haha.. guess it's somethg to brighten up my day...

arh.. pissed off sia.. 3 hrs of standby area/ bed/ fieldpk earlier today.. in the name of discipline.. i dont deny the fact dat standardising our stuff shows some degree of discipline.. but there's a fine line between instilling discipline and asking too much.. cross it & u're being unreasonable.. doesnt packing our stuff correctly & neatly satisfy the rationale of making fieldpk items practical & accessible?? is there really a need to standardise perfectly the way clothes have to b folded/ the positions accessories have to b placed etc?? it's not as if soldiers entering the battlefield with standardised fieldpks stand higher chances of winning the war..

hmm.. so many doubts.. so many qns.. i really wonder...

hmm.. let's see.. khatib camp's quite a short dist from home.. but so near yet so far.. being trapped in camp makes home seem light yrs away..

ehh.. still trying to get used to the new environment in khatib camp.. lots of changes compared to safti mi- high standards of discipline.. low standards of living etc.. but guess it's not totally a bad thing.. coz it's these changes which make me appreciate little things in life i've always taken granted for eg the pillow at home is a heavenly gift when u get to sleep on hardened lumps of cotton in camp..

hmm.. for the whole of this wk instructors seemed to b drilling 'never assume never presume always ensure' into our brains.. kept emphasizing on its importance.. but honestly speaking i agree with them.. though i dont really practise it.. coz assumptions make things easy for oneself.. and to put it into action- easier said than done...

wah.. finally.. back from lakiun camp in brunei.. was a tiring 3-day training followed by the supposedly 3-day 2-night ex mountain rat (my team took 5 days 4 nights) and eventually a day of r & r (rest & recreation which was a waste of time i guess) ..

ehh.. this overseas training really shagged us out.. rest was inadequate.. we even had 2 change parades during the training period.. wat to do.. juz have to accept it..

hmm.. let's talk about the highlight ex mountain rat.. it's basically a navigatn ex.. first to find checkpoints followed by navi thru mt biang and lastly a combat swim.. thgs were interesting in a way.. lots of first-time exp eg got to see a real-life scorpion which was damn cool/ able to taste the freshness of streamwater/ even had the chance to experience the thrill of being chased by bees.. and not forgetting the defining moment on top of mt biang- the freezing wind during midnite rainpour forced 6 of us to cuddle up to keep ourselves alive.. but honestly the ex was really a fatigue-imposer.. and it was the fear of guilt & regrets which pushed me on.. till the very end..

hmm.. wkend's here again.. gonna b another r & r (rest & recover) for me...

let's see.. will b heading brunei in a few hrs.. my first overseas training.. quite nervous sia.. but guess the 9 days will b over in no time.. meanwhile take care my friends...

hmm.. juz came back from mos this morning.. went with a few of my army friends.. let's see.. few mths back we were still recruits.. & now the few of us r cadets in our pro term.. time flies..

arh.. damn tired now.. was knocked out totally when i came back.. guess i've got a weak endurance for liquor.. gonna charlie mike soon.. another gathering with sec sch friends soon.. haha.. but i'm sure it'll b fun..

yay.. finally got my 3 bars.. but the routemarch was hell.. 23 klick seemed like 32 klick.. shag..

hmm.. reporting to arty camp nxt mon.. no more infantry life.. but now feeling abit lost.. donno wat to expect in this new vocation.. also miss my platoon back at bravo.. sad sia.. anw gotta enjoy this long wkend.. b4 heading brunei for ex lancer nxt wed...

arh!! shagged out!! accumulated fatigue from the sleepless nites in ex spade to the few pathetic hrs of rest during duty str after the fieldcamp.. worse still.. was expecting ytd's social nite to b fun.. ended up with utter disappointment.. wat a wk!!

hmm.. svc term coming to an end le.. getting my 3 bars nxt wk.. after which will b going arty for pro term.. guess dat'll b a fresh start...

yay.. finally.. after all the routemarch & livefiring.. a long wkend for this wk..

let's see.. went out with hy kx bld yesterday.. been a few mths since we meet up.. after hearing much from them.. uni life seems tough to me.. hey buddies.. gd luck & all the best!!

ehh.. then went bugis with jh today.. to get stuff for social nite this coming fri.. damn happy everythg's settled.. thks for ur help bro!!

hmm.. juz a short post for this wk.. got to go study for tactics test le.. Zzz...

yay.. another wk down.. 3 more wks to the end of svc term.. time flies sia..

ehh.. had platoon fieldcamp this wk.. damn shack.. i was the runner in the platoon deliberate attack.. got scolded by my pc in the end for being a fucked-up runner.. say i zo bo lan.. quite pissed off by wat he said.. made me feel so useless.. but wat he expect me to do when no instructions were given to me during the attack.. and i did my job by carrying dat stupid signal set all the way up dat 85m knoll.. kao..

hmm.. quite a slack wk other than the fieldcamp.. had alot of admin time.. eg today was damn relax.. after coming back from breakfast i went back to slp.. then wake up to read manga.. after lunch slp again.. listen to music.. eat snacks & stuff.. how i wish everyday's like this..

arh.. cadets from 2 batches back commissioned today.. was watching their parade.. damn gao wei.. coz there's still 6 more mths.. b4 my turn comes.. Zzz...

arh.. sian.. juz bk out this morning after guardduty.. damn tired.. hmm.. honestly feel dat they have picked the wrong person for guardduty- when i was asked to wait beside the phone & pick up calls, i simply fell asleep.. when i was asked to guard the maingate, i ended up playing with snails.. haha.. cant blame me rite.. it's juz too boring..

ehh.. had a tiring wk.. lots of activities such as navex skylark & nightbird as well as patrol fieldcamp being crammed into the wk..

hmm.. thinking back.. had ippt test too.. guess it's the final one in service term.. ran like crazy for 2.4.. but still 3 sec away from gold.. so near yet so far.. sad sia...

ehh.. juz came back from supper with brothers from 4e2.. guess it's been at least 2 yrs since the five of us gathered sia (coz huaili went missing for quite some time after o lvls.. haha.. no lah.. juz didnt manage to ask him out then..) .. let's see.. basically we were juz sitting at the prata shop.. eating & chatting.. but enjoyed my time.. though it's only a short 2hr gathering.. looking forward to our nxt meetup..

arh.. patrol fieldcamp coming up.. then guard duty this coming wkend.. waste time sia.. as if my presence will boost safti mi's security.. sian...

if only time can stop

arh.. juz bk out ard 2 hrs ago.. then have to bk in at 1930 tmr.. damn sian..

let's see.. sect livefiring on mon was somethg worth remembering.. there was one fire movement my sect did which was damn zai.. nothing to pick on i guess.. quick movement.. with momentum.. wah.. amazing sia.. and i was the sect comd.. sense of achievement sia.. haha..

ehh.. needed to make a choice between arty or infantry for pro term ytd.. tough decision sia.. infantry pride or slack army life.. finally decided on arty.. coz if i manage to get to arty guess life will become much better.. more time for family & friends.. somethg valuable which i'm seriously lacking rite now...

arh.. juz had sect fieldcamp this wk..

let's see.. summary circuit & drills in the day.. nv underestimate fire movement in upslope vegetatn.. damn tiring.. worse still.. quick attack.. can die.. & pity those saw-gunners coz saw is really fucked up.. glad to have sar as my weapon.. sar's the best..

that's not all.. navigatn in fbo after lunch all the way till 2130 for two consecutive days.. this was the killer.. fatigue-inducer.. imagine bashing thru thick vegetatn with all those loads.. now thinking back.. couldnt figure out how the hell i survived thru the 4 days..

ehh.. think the best part was getting the chance to see some of mohawk's commanders.. esp 2lt leonard who talked to me.. quite surprised he recognised me coz he wasnt my pc back then..

hmm.. another fieldcamp down.. many more to go...

hmm.. finally have time for a new post..

ehh.. nothing much i wanna say.. too much details.. got posted to ocs.. wasnt a good exp.. cultural shock during the first wk.. everythg's so different from bmt.. hectic life with quite a number of fucked up pple in my platoon.. trapped in this new environment.. was really suffering.. kept questioning myself wat the hell i was doing there.. almost got into depression i guess.. but luckily i had a buddy who cared for me.. helped me thru the first two wks.. but sad sia coz he's now in ada.. and now my new buddy is @*#&$^%! .. guess someday gonna use matador rite into his face..

& my parents are the only ones i can talk to every nite.. cant possibly call my friends after lights out.. and honestly there were times i almost cried.. missed them too much.. miss my friends too.. so dont b surprised if u see tears when we meet up...

ehh.. came back from genting yesterday.. went there for holiday with some friends from army..

hmm.. nothing much on the first day actually.. 6 hrs bus ride to genting.. by the time we checked in it was already late afternn.. mainly indoor activities for the rest of the day.. had most fun with bumper cars.. let's see.. had icecream out in the open despite the cold weather.. thrilling sia.. hmm.. spent the night playing bridge.. & not forgetting.. raw deal.. junhao's the pro.. play with him only get thrashed sia..

ehh.. spent most of the time at the outdoor theme park the nxt day.. guess the best ride was space shot.. but it was nothing compared to tea cup.. the real killer.. no joke.. kana ko after getting off.. had to rest b4 carrying on.. then ended the day with a midnite movie 'eye in the sky'..

erm.. did some shopping on the last day.. few of us had one last ride on the flying coaster.. then had to leave.. quite sad sia..

hmm.. the trip was damn fun honestly.. & definitely memorable...

hmm.. had my pop yesterday.. which marked the end of bmt.. quite sad sia.. after going thru so much tgt.. from strangers we became brothers.. & now u have to say goodbye to them.. i'll nv forget the days in m2.. m2 bo bei zao!!!

~

we are brothers in arms

we are brothers proud to be

remember the day when we were shaved

from boys to men we were made to change

as we enter the gates of mohawk company

~

just 3 weeks is all it takes

to make us wonder if we were gays

together we sleep and eat and train and play

~

don't give up when times are tough

your buddies they're always around

they'll catch you when you fall down

just press on ahead with a smile

~

mohawk company

that is where i belong in bmt

where everyday we do pt

soc, bcct

mohawk company

that is where i belong in bmt

where sergeants, recruits and pcs

we are one big family, family

~

before we knew it was 5th week

we had to shoot our btp

many complain that they cannot see

and very soon it was week 6

field camp started to take place

never got to bathe for 4 full days

~

don't give up when times are tough

your buddies they're always around

they'll catch you when you fall down

just press on ahead with a smile

~

mohawk company

that is where i belong in bmt

where everyday we do pt

soc, bcct

mohawk company

that is where i belong in bmt

where sergeants, recruits and pcs

we are one big family, family

~

now we've stepped into the 8th week

2 more weeks to pop

don't know when's the next time we will meet

~

song written by:

lau chee yian david

yeh!! finally.. home sweet home..

ehh.. main event of the 2-wk confinement was field camp.. basically it sucked.. dont really like it sia.. here's a summary of wat happened during the 6-day-5-night of.. erm.. shit..

day 1 - 8 klick routemarch.. wanna give up de.. was seriously lagging behind during the last 2 klick.. sian.. then build basha dig drainage.. siao one.. almost fainted.. too tiring le lah..

day 2 - group combat training.. everythg's fine when sgt jeremy's taking us.. wait till sgt ruthra took over.. kao.. he said field camp will b tiring but fun.. wtf!! fun?? think he's trying to b funny.. hmm.. also.. i misfired a blank.. kanna guard duty.. but donno ask mi & glen guard ammo point for wat.. as if pple will go to dat 鸡不拉屎鸟不生蛋 kinda place juz to steal ur blanks lah..

day 3 - chosen to do sai-gkang.. wasted whole day doing sai!!

day 4 - dig trench in the rain.. like digging ur own grave lidat.. then u get to slp in it for 2 days.. completed it in 4 hrs.. fatigue!! not to forget.. we had our technical break.. really appreciated the fresh rations from cookhse..

day 5 - urban training.. most enjoyable part of fieldcamp i guess..

day 6 - b i c .. get to leopard crawl & back crawl to overcome obstacles.. not too bad..

hmm.. let's see.. got a chance to b platoon ic for 6 days including one day at field camp.. damn stressful.. not easy sia.. esp at fieldcamp when commanders started to guailan.. but honestly.. felt dat i've exp & learned somethg new.. so at the end of the day.. it wasnt dat bad after all.. not to forget.. wanna apologise to m2 coz i knew i screwed up many times.. but they remained cooperative & supportive.. thanks alot guys.. & i'll like to say dat i'm honoured not becoz i was a platoon ic.. but becoz i was the platoon ic of m2...

ehh.. went out with some of my platoon-mates to watch spidy3 yesterday.. felt that the movie wasnt as gd as the previous ones.. but still worth watching.. hmm.. had lots of fun.. hence looking forward to more of these outings..

arh.. confinement coming up again due to field camp.. hope will b fun sia...

arh.. finally.. back from confinement.. hmm.. dont feel like going into details coz there's too much to talk about.. so here's a really brief summary.. got myself into mohawk company.. things were fine so far.. training's tough at times.. food was edible.. nothing spooky going around.. so nothing much to complain.. & at the end of the day.. it's about new friends.. new life.. a new beginning...

rekindled

hmm.. today's not a lucky day i guess.. early in the morning kana woke up to go grandma's house.. some war going on over there.. quarrels & some fighting actions (between my uncle with his bare hands and my grandma with her 'magicclean' polearm.. hmm.. but think my bro & i the best.. we once used kunai.. metal one.. a classical shinobi battle.. without any jutsu though.. or else i'll b using neji's hakkeshou rokujuu yonshou.. 8 trigrams 2 palms 4 palms 8 palms 16 palms 32 plams 8 trigrams 64 palms.. haha.. comes from naruto ultimate ninja.. the game's a big joke.. think EHHH!!! comes from there too.. nostalgic sia.. cant stop laughing.. but seriously.. dat's the fiercest we've fought since the day i was born..) .. this wasnt the first time le.. my grandma got injured this time round.. kao.. so much problems going on.. and now my grandma's staying at my hse.. things had gotten really serious & out of control..

wah.. today go toilet also damn suay.. had a stomachache earlier.. and before i got a chance to sit on the toilet bowl.. i slipped the whole toilet roll right into the toilet bowl.. kao.. irritating sia..

ehh.. juz read weiss' blog and found out 2/3 of the class went for dinner yesterday.. that's alot of pple actually.. but i didnt turn up.. guilty sia.. also had a gathering yesterday morning for some nyjc event.. i also didnt go & show my face.. was damn tired and overslept.. then dont feel like going le.. wah.. double dose of guilt.. sorry guys..

hmm.. think i go chiong desperate housewives season 1 now.. bought it today.. plus a few more dvds & vcds.. so dat means another hundred bucks slashed off my account.. found out dat ever since i started wking i had this 'u see u want u buy.. without second thoughts' kinda habit.. or perhaps i'll like to call it disease.. juz cant resist temptations.. condition worsening by the second.. so i guess i'll have to slice & dice my posb card to save myself (success rate of mi doing it.. zero percent!!) ..

kk.. 58 more hrs to go.. will b back after the 2 wks confinement.. if i can make it back that is (coz i very weak/vulnerable one.. go there kana f i'll cry.. ask mi run i'll die.. so have to try and stay alive i guess..) ...

to carry on

hmm.. went out with clarice yesterday.. to watch 'because i said so'.. think it was juz an average movie ba.. ended the day with a neoprint.. (the decoration part was hell sia!! and i mean it!!) ..

received present from clarice for last yr's bdae.. (though it was few mths late.. haha.. but guess i've got no right to complain.. coz i didnt give her anythg last yr.. thinking of it makes me guilty sia.. nvm la.. this yr then give..) she made everythg herself.. touched sia.. the book.. the card.. the note.. they r simply.. too amazing.. and this is the second time i got stunned by her bdae present.. so much efforts.. so much love (for a friend la.. EHHH!!) .. thanks alot.. really..

then went clubbing with some of my class pple at nite.. my first time sia.. went to zouk.. hmm.. doubt i wanna go into the details.. but one thing for sure.. dancing isnt for me.. i dance like kuku.. in fact the kuku-est among the kukus i guess.. sian.. but had fun.. thanks guys..

went chinatown with sf & zt today.. really had a good time crapping & chatting.. went hunting for figurines.. now i have 3 dragons in my collection.. so happy sia...

i'll be there

i'll be your shoulder to cry on

i'll be there

i'll be a friend to rely on

hmm.. will b busy meeting up with friends these two days.. think will b fun..

slept alot recently.. it's either waking up at 2 pm or waking up at 9 am followed by a 5-hr afternn nap.. donno how to tahan in ns.. imagine waking up at 5 in the morning.. can die..

think i getting abit crazy over bleach.. it's not somethg good sia.. coz dat means i'll b spending more money on figurines.. went chinatown on wed to search for a cheaper toushiro.. then dont have.. damn sad sia.. hence the cheapest i've seen is 210 bucks.. (hmm.. jl said i mad when i told him about toushiro.. actually quite true.. buy already only put inside cabinet collect dust.. aiya see first.. still in the midst of finding cheaper ones.. then he told mi becoz demand too little dat's why so ex.. i argued it's supply too little.. then he ask mi go plot graph.. and i did.. haha.. joking.. was climbing up eos tower at dat time.. play maple halfway talk about econs.. EHHH..) ...

wah.. exactly 2 more wks then go ns le.. fast sia.. did some thinking.. and made a decision.. gonna take bmt seriously.. wanna train up sia.. train until got strong arms strong legs & big boobs (opps.. wrong vocab used.. i mean big chest.. cant help.. got distracted by the comic below.. found it amusing..) .. (imagining myself to b toushiro.. hehhehheh!! no lah.. joking only.. if i'm really him donno wanna laugh or cry.. have ur head 'giap' by u-know-wat.. like sandwich lidat.. haha..) ...

ehh.. went to eat sakae buffet this afternn with a bunch of good friends.. let's see.. havent eaten so much for a long time.. but think we eat until abit siao.. thought desert was the last dish.. but after dat still order udon somemore.. lucky small bowl sia.. or else think have to stuff the remaining udon into our pockets & smuggle them out.. if not must pay for wastage leh..

then came up my house.. expected it to b like old times when playing was the highlight.. but it seems things have changed.. now i understand why when jl pl xl came up we couldnt find anythg to do.. ended up chatting.. with shufen zhenting around damn fun sia.. can juz sit down there and listen to them tell stories.. then laugh until bueh tahan..

bought a glass cabinet today sia.. use it to display my figurines.. pretty empty now.. but someday gonna fill it up.. then gradually turn my room into an exhibition hall.. wah.. my dream sia.. but think by then need alot more space.. so should juz kick my bro out of the room someday.. haha.. btw the dragon figurine & toushiro plush make an amazing combi.. like it lots (think it's shufen's idea to put them tgt.. so thks sia) ..

really had alot of fun today.. many thanks to u all.. once again i'm offering my kisses thru my blog.. muacks.. haha..

running & running

to find u

to find the words to say to u

to find the bond that connects us

we keep running & running

yay.. si angmoh not wking at courts anymore.. think he got the feeling boxbistro isnt going to last dats why zao first.. smart-ass sia.. but it doesnt matter anymore..
finally stop wking.. wanna slack before ns.. actually it was nice wking there.. with my friends.. they made it a memorable wking experience.. thanks.. & kisses if u all want.. haha..
wking there made mi kinda feel dat my efforts were appreciated.. thks to micheal & danny..

ehh.. went to submit punchcards with pl today.. on the way did some shopping.. saw toushiro hitsugaya figurine.. damn cool sia.. wanna buy.. but 200 bucks leh.. hmm.. dont care.. think juz buy lah..
had fun today sia.. except the fact dat cclia popped out all of a sudden to greet mi with a smack on the head.. wah kao.. cclia u siao arh!!!

ehh.. juz went dinner with my parents sia.. guess it's been mths since we had a meal tgt.. realised how detached from them i've become.. dont really spend time with them.. dont talk much to them either.. prefer talking to friends.. friends understand better.. hmm.. the word 'understand' reminds me of a quarrel with my mum few yrs back.. when she said somethg like '是我生你的, 我不了解你谁了解你'.. wanted to reply 屁啦 dat time.. but sure kanna slap one.. my brother tio slap before.. then think bleed.. scary leh.. so i diamdiam let her scold lo.. even now also.. dont bother to talk back when she starts her nagging/scolding session.. coz sometimes she really funny leh.. talk back she say i talk back.. ignore her then she say i very rude.. aiya think next time she angry with mi then i straightaway go hug her & say 妈妈, 对不起.. as if..

hmm.. found out dat my dad changed quite abit.. mainly the thgs he say ba i guess..
we went hgg mall's oto shop.. somethg wrong with some slimming equipment he bought.. then he went to ask for assistance.. actually everythg went well sia.. except the fact dat he started complaining about some other flaws before stepping out of the shop.. small things can complain so long.. his lecture to the salesman finally ended when my mum dragged him away..

then went foodcourt eat.. saw a lady with green hair.. den heard my dad say somethg like 只有丑的人会把头发染成这个样子.. wah.. i stun tio.. seldom hear him criticise pple until lidat.. think my dad buehsong her or somethg ba.. who knows.. maybe she suaysuay look like one of my dad's love rivals in the past.. or maybe my dad simply trying to b funny.. donno him la.. but dat's not all leh.. my dad also didnt let off dat person's friend standing beside her.. her friend quite plump sia.. so my dad said should let her use oto's flabélos.. shake her fats away.. then he added.. cannot.. later the machine cannot tahan.. when she stand on top the machine cant even shake la.. max can only last six mths then the machine confirm gonecase de.. then he stared at her again.. & shaked his head.. hmm.. think my dad abit bad sia.. but no leh.. most of the time he quite alright.. dont utter rubbish de.. ohh.. think maybe got split personality.. wish him well then...

ehh.. naruto shippuuden's out since wks ago.. naruto manga getting more & more interesting.. climaxes here and there.. cant stop watching.. but having to wait for the weekly release.. it's really damn sian..
not feeling well today sia.. dont feel like doing anythg the whole day.. so spent all the time reading bleach online manga.. quite nice sia.. think may start collecting bleach merchandise.. then become bankrupt again (already broke once last wk after spending 300 bucks on cloud & fenrir figurine, myth & legend collection, naruto figurines etc..) .. but dont care.. haha.. no point saving up all the money earned.. quite meaningless.. think will watch MÄR: Märchen Awakens Romance next.. seems nice sia..
anime & manga r currently a major part of my life.. so grateful to their existence.. providing ideas & thoughts to fantasize about.. when u try to escape from this world of harsh reality...

if i were the rain

could i connect to someone's heart

as the rain can unite

the eternally separated earth and sky

kao.. after spending time searching for a course (education in ntu) i wanna study.. now stuck with another problem.. donno wat dat kuku moe thinking.. want applicants to write an essay.. sounds more like ass-say to me.. think take a piece of paper & bullshit 500 words for them ba.. really wat.. how to write on a topic 'wat r some of the values & beliefs dat u hold strongly to? please provide eg of how u have demo these in ur actions'.. siao.. they think i've anchored some values & beliefs in my brain meh.. of course not la.. 做事情时跟着心去做 (think hanying said somethg like this before.. 想一想也对..) .. so dat's wat i've been doing lor.. so should i translate & write somethg like 'i believe that one should do wat his heart tells him to'.. no rite.. sounds kuku leh.. see already confirm void my application str away de.. hmm.. wanna fake somethg i also donno how.. coz i've got an innocent mind.. ehh joking only.. gotta start wasting time to think le.. damn..

ehh.. maybe not working anymore le.. enjoy the last mth before going ns ba.. go back work at cafeconnect still have to learn new stuff.. i lazy arh.. then still got internal conflict somemore.. sian..
maybe do a little bit of training for the time being.. havent run for mths sia.. later run one round around the track then k.o. le.. very diu lian one leh.. see first ba.. someday i'll start running.. someday...

ehh.. received an email with these attachments.. somethg to do with stupid answers to exam qns.. it's funny.. interesting in a way.. so decided to put them up.. think the one who sent was avril.. thanks alot..

so much happened today..

eventually.. 笑也不是哭也不是.. got really fed up.. not blaming anyone or anythg.. juz angry with myself.. i've always believed dat a friend should b there for u in times of need.. i was there.. but it seems my presence equates my absence.. 只能怪自己没用..
i will nv forget today.. the day i felt so useless.. the day i felt so guilty..

why must things turn out this way..

got the feeling dat things will nv b the same again...

it's been a while..

hmm.. a bunch of good friends came up today.. but didnt know wat to do at my house leh.. didnt play naruto.. sian.. (recalling the past when my friends can juz come up mainly to play naruto.. play until so siao somemore.. got yeppy sf zh bran jl etc.. ahh.. so nostalgic sia.. juz wondering if there's a next version to the game.. will b fun if there's one, with all the akatsuki members selectable..)
anyway must apologise to the three of them.. think ask them come up only waste their time.. but thinking of it.. the lovebirds can entertain themselves one wat.. haha.. go anywhere also can play until so happy.. hmm.. maybe i worried too much.. ehh.. then left mi & xiaojie.. so the two of us talk loh.. dats why become so close.. ya..

ahh.. will b skipping work tmr to play mahjong.. (so now very curious to know who's the unlucky soul to b kicked up to cafe tmr..) think my dad abit buehsong when i told him dat.. maybe earn money to him more important.. but dont care.. worked thru cny so now wanna enjoy.. hope lady luck shines on mi..
ai.. so dat means no pay for tmr.. sad sia.. been spending too much money le la.. donno how i spend also.. money in the bank like the same no matter how much i earn.. kao...

(money may not buy happiness but it sure makes misery much easier to live with..)

wah.. today rocks.. enjoyed my day at boxbistro.. let's see.. early in the morning kana pinched on the cheeks by alice.. i tio stunned.. donno why she did dat.. haha then she said i cute.. so happy sia.. so rare to hear someone say dat.. hope she meant it.. but think maybe she cny mood too excited then say for fun one lah..

ehh.. quite slack today.. abit over-staff in the afternn.. donno wat to do so went around find pple talk cock.. then saw chef alex in the kitchen.. approached him.. nv tried talking to him before, always see him only smile.. wah surprising leh, can talk so much with him like old friends lidat.. too bad he leaving bistro soon.. sian.. think someday ask him out to swim.. should b fun sia.. looking forward to dat day ba..

kao.. si angmoh sent me up to cafe again at 7 plus.. the fulltimers coping well wat, i go up only help make a few milkshakes.. donno ask me go up for wat.. think should have smacked him in the face and ask if he's trying to b funny.. hmm.. maybe he saw me eat nuggets.. then wanna banish me from bistro before i start feeding myself with all the other food.. cannot blame me wat.. my stomach empty hands itchy.. so happen to place a piece of chicken biscuit into my mouth lor.. (wah eat one of ur nuggets will die huh si angmoh.. the most i pay for it la.. juz tell me how much u want.. seventh month burn for u.. promise..)

but the highlight was having reunion dinner with the chefs.. eat steamboat in the kitchen.. with alex kelvin patrick jimmy.. they so good ask me eat with them.. enjoyed the meal.. many thanks to the chefs...

ahh.. had a lot of fun today sia.. went swimming with pl this morning.. didnt really swim actually.. juz float around the pool and talk cock.. talk until tio sunburn.. sian..
then danny called all of a sudden, the moment i stepped into the changing room.. donno is he lucky or i unlucky to pick up his call.. reminded me to go cafeconnect tmr.. sian.. i wanna stay at bistro.. wouldnt get hungry there.. can talk to friends somemore.. but danny also very cham, almost every wk train new parttimers.. dont care la.. he not wking tmr anyway.. juz stick my butt at boxbistro tmr.. or hang on to micheal if charles attempt to kick me up again.. dat si angmoh.. curse him to fall & roll like a ball.. after dat i go kick.. then can play soccer with jl at bistro.. (jiale bro.. so paiseh.. u so good sometimes ask me go play soccer.. but i dont go one.. coz i too noob le la.. really if u see the way i kick the ball think u will laugh till u cry.. give me ten yrs to train also wont make a diff.. super untalented..)

ehh.. after swim was time for sushi.. thought after swim can eat alot one.. pl still eat so little.. anyway the sushi not bad sia.. someday gonna bring my mum there.. and ask her to treat me.. donno how many yrs she never cook le.. 家常便饭 is somethg so rare for me.. worse still.. reunion dinner not cooking also.. and thought she will make an exception today.. asked her cook greenbean soup she said ok.. early in the morning saw the greenbeans on the table.. so happy.. go out come back in the evening still on the table.. nothing to say liao.. dont even bother to ask when she will cook the greenbean soup.. kao..

hmm.. after sushi went chinatown sq central.. saw a figurine i wanna buy.. but 129 bucks leh.. buy le later heartpain.. then can cry whole nite.. then after dat will continue with my emoshit again.. haha..
after dat walk walk at chinatown.. sian.. today was the first time i took a walk there after so many yrs.. and i suppose it's the last time too.. got nothing want wat.. donno why so many pple like to go squeeze there.. squeeze until so happy somemore.. siao..

then went back to tamp.. walked aimlessly up century sq.. donno wat happened but i blurted out the words 'take neoprint'.. haha think i siao liao.. but we went ahead since we had time.. liked the queen of hearts sia.. (dat was the best shot.. the others i look abit kuku leh.. esp the first two.. sian..)

really enjoyed the day.. many thx to my good friend pl...

cherish the friends that you have coz you never know
when they will be the only ones there for you

valentines day.. sucks when u haven’t got someone to share it with.. but guess it's ok.. coz every year's the same..

think it will take me a lifetime.. to hunt & search for that glimpse of hope.. for that one special soul.. for that love of my life.. (expected lah.. see my face cannot make it already.. maybe lehlong also nobody wants.. sad sia.. think of it feel like crying..)

so tonight i put on the sad songs, plug in the headphones, & crank up the volume, just so i can drain the night away…

wah.. dat stupid si angmoh.. kicked me up to cafeconnect on sat.. now i know how fun working at boxbistro is.. all my friends wking there.. miss them a lot leh.. also miss aunty chef..
alot to learn at cafeconnect sia.. it’s abit too much for my memory le lah.. wat focaccia, panini, baguette, croissant.. why cant they juz call them 'bread'? complicate things for nothing.. make life so difficult for an idiot like me.. kao..
wah the cakes at cafe worse than bistro’s.. ate the blueberry one on sunday.. doesnt taste like berry.. doesnt smell like berry.. sour sour one.. think the cake on the verge of rotting le lah.. wth..

went back today to get my pineapple tarts.. peiling came along.. so nice for her to do dat or else will b damn sian.. also went back to eat.. but doubt there’ll b a second time.. so paiseh.. micheal only charge me $1.20 for the setlunch worth 5 bucks.. danny gave the waffle with ice-cream free.. they too good le lah.. but worst of all was the staff there la.. pl only my good friend.. why must they think so much? Sian..

sometimes when i say 'oh, i'm fine'

i want someone to look me in the eyes & say 'tell the truth'...

ahh.. just came back from supper with 2 bros.. long time since we gathered.. so nice to find pple to talk to..
but still, some things can only be kept to urself, and urself only.. it isnt a matter of whether u wanna say it.. it’s whether u can afford to say it.. coz some words r far too costly to be spoken..
ehh.. we talked alot crapped alot, and think somethg came across bran's mind and he asked me '你知不知道有很多人关心你?' (after zhihao recalled yeppy & shufen asking how i'm doing).. donno why but it struck me.. quite stunned when i heard dat sia.. maybe i've neglected somethg all these while...

(think somehow gave u gals the impression dat i sian sian one.. maybe ba.. u ask me i also donno wat to say.. but really appreciate ur concern.. & sorry for the worries..)

yay!! finally.. last filler episode for naruto.. he sets out training, everyone misses him.. juz wondering if anyone will miss me if i leave this homeland, if anyone will cry for me if i leave this world.. i’m wondering.. and yearning to know.. but i’ll work hard to be ur friend.. worth shedding tears for.. i'll try my best to earn.. that precious tear drop of urs.. i promise i will...

ehh.. once again nothing much happened today sia.. only went bugis with a friend.. supposed to go there buy somethg but think the highlight was eating instead.. just 3 hrs and had my stomach filled with long john, beef noodles, ice-cream, honeydew sago.. so sorry pl, go all the way there juz to see me eat.. i'll try to eat lesser nxt time haha.. & siao liao.. aunty chef gonna say i'm rounder again.. sian.. it scares me when pple start saying dat.. really scary..

ahh.. still pondering on wat i'm aiming for in life.. perhaps u r right pl, no need to think so much.. think so much also no use.. 'never take life seriously. nobody gets out alive anyways'.. quite true actually.. but if dat's the case, might as well go die now.. if only i had dat courage to end my life...

hmm.. another day ending soon.. my job as a restocker ended yesterday so today slacked.. the job quite rubbish sia, nothing much u can learn.. but the pay wasnt dat bad.. (kao!! my friend juz work an hr on one of the days and got the usual 50 bucks.. feel like wacking him sia!! no la juz joking.. i very good to my friends one leh..)

ehh.. didnt do much today.. went swimming & realised how weak my stamina is.. getting from bad to worse from time to time.. didnt bother to go running and train up.. (coz running alone is really really damn sian, then after running still have to crawl all the way home..) think go ns gonna suffer big time.. dont care la, go ns & cry then..

sian.. cny coming sia.. and my parents r getting a little bit overexcited i suppose.. donno buy so much decorations for wat.. 2 hrs ago they started hanging stuff all over the place.. 4 pineapples now hanging in the living rm.. see already wanna laugh.. donno wat happened in the recent yrs coz they dont really do this in the past.. maybe when pple age the way they think changes.. but looking at the way my parents change, it's just weird.. but wat to do? maybe i'll start praying.. pray they dont start hanging stuff during the seventh month sia..

hmm.. quite alot happened recently.. thought i could just pin them down and stop thinking sia.. on second thoughts i should juz keep them to myself.. safer ba.. get the wrong person to read then it's gonna be damn troublesome..

sometimes i really wonder wat i am living for.. living to see the future? neh mine doesnt look bright.. my future is merely an enigma.. living for the present? doubt so.. life's getting boring when friends are getting busy with work.. havent seen many of them since the exams ended.. or living for the past? haha having severe memory loss, can hardly recall any fond memories worth living for.. donno when the disease started.. no joking sia.. have a witness leh, right jiale?

ahh.. finally can take a break before going back boxbistro this wkend.. looking forward to it.. really enjoyed wking last wkend.. so much happened.. wrote the highlights on peiling's friendster testi so now lazy to write again..

yeh.. tmr wed le.. hope can wake up on time to watch getbackers.. coz may just slp thru the whole of tmr.. so tired sia...